We, Robot: Tesla’s Vision of Our Autonomous Future

Tesla unveiled a prototype of its first fully autonomous vehicle on October 13 at an event dubbed “We, Robot.” The vehicle, Cybercab, has been teased by Tesla CEO Elon Musk for years as he promised to revolutionize personal transportation. Event attendees were treated to a surprise in the form of Tesla’s “Robovan,” a hybrid mass transit/cargo carrier vehicle. 

Tesla’s long anticipated Cybercab was unveiled at the company’s “We, Robot” event October 13. [Image: Tesla]

Cybercab & Robovan: On the Move

Looking more like an art deco train engine than any road-based mass transit people mover, Tesla’s Robovan can allegedly carry up to 20 people or be used as a cargo transporter. Robovan is intended to operate on Tesla Network, the company’s autonomous ride-hailing service that will also accommodate individually owned Tesla vehicles.  

It’s an Airstream! It’s a train! No, it’s Tesla’s autonomous mass transit vehicle, Robovan. [Image: Tesla]

Tesla’s unveiling of its latest innovations in autonomous vehicles caught the public’s attention and regulatory bodies’ attention. The USA’s National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) is evaluating 2.4 million Tesla vehicles following crashes that occurred while Tesla’s “Full Self-Driving” software was in use. 

While they may be the most visible, road vehicles are not the only Tesla innovations relying on this autonomous operation technology. The “We, Robot,” event also saw Tesla deploying its Optimus robots, which were tasked with serving refreshments and interacting with attendees. Although Optimus points to one of Tesla’s most exciting development goals, the reception to these humanoid robots was, well, less than glowing.

Optimus: Sub-Prime?

Serving drinks, joking with guests, wearing cowboy hats… The tasks assigned to Tesla’s Optimus robots were not the most exacting or demanding, yet they were greeted with enthusiasm from attendees who were no doubt tickled to have their cocktails poured with something resembling a Star Wars droid. Optimus units were not completely autonomous, however, and appeared to be under the control of remote operators who, at the very least, were speaking for and through the “robots.” 

Tesla’s Optimus robots can serve drinks to thirsty guests. Will they eventually serve other delights of a more erotic nature? [Image: Tesla]

Smoke and mirrors or the most exciting glimpse of our robot future yet? Either way, Optimus does bode well for those who seek to explore their sexuality beyond VR and AR porn. While letting a robot take hold of your hard-on might require a leap of faith many of us will be incapable of, others are already heading in that direction with RealDolls and teledildonic masturbation aids.

AI-guided hardware systems promise new frontiers of interaction between humans, both with each other via intermediaries and with virtual persons, robots, VR, or otherwise. Tesla’s commitment to creating autonomous humanoid robots may not directly lead you to greater sexual satisfaction, but it’s certainly pushing the technology toward that eventuality.