VR Porn and Sex Toys for Men: An Amazing Mix.

Image Credit: VRCircle

Too long didn’t read? : TOYS + VR FUCKING ROCK!

Okay, so men being men, and men not always thinking, some time ago, I got caught by my wife watching porn in VR.. I suppose I should have taken my own advice from my previous blog and penny jammed the door to the den, but whoops now you know why I made that post…

AAAnyway… This Christmas, I found a rather plain package in the mail addressed to me I opened it up aaand…

What an odd thing to get. A container of some sort?

Yeah, a container of some sort. I wonder what goes in here… No, not really, I know what goes in there, and I was a little weirded out by it. It’s a seriously awkward thing to get when you’re wife’s standing there laughing her ass off as you open the package. Of course I touched it and stuck my finger in it. It felt like skin.. I mean seriously, it really felt like a woman’s pussy. My wife of course was laughing her ass off the entire time watching me poke it, but being a man, I immediately challenged her to drop her pants and compare the two.. With my eyes closed, there were two ways I could tell the difference. 1. The temperature, and 2. The fact that my wife had shaved the day before and I could feel just a hint of scratchy stubble… Well, and the fact that the toy was dry.. But whatever…

So, I took my new toy apart. Of course, I just had to know…

Well, it seems simple enough. Little vibrating thingie, soft squishy flesh-like pink thingie, two end caps, and it only goes together one way.. Needs 3 AAA batteries.

The pink fleshy thing obviously has two ends.

 Clearly this is the front end.

 And the back door…

An entrance, and a.. Errr… A weird looking back end. So anyways, I guess on the back end, the smaller hole was for the vibrating egg thing? There were no instructions, just some sheet with a bunch of squiggly lines that looked like chinese writing. But really, how complex is a chunk of silicone?  Pro tip, when reassembling, make sure it’s dry, and shake it like you’re trying to mix something up in a cup.. That helps the tail end re-seat in the cylinder, otherwise it sticks a bit to the plastic housing and shoving the whole thing back together aimlessly results in kind of a bind. That kind of tip would have saved me a bit of time. Now, it looks like there’s a few bumps in there.. But… Hell, we’ll just turn it inside out..

Dear god, what have I done? This thing looks like some kind of alien slug?!? Anyways, those little bumps apparently add to the texture on the inside of the sleeve, and yes, you can feel them. More on that later…

So, after spending a few minutes to get the whole thing back together and realizing I don’t have any AAA batteries anywhere I decide I might as well test it out. No, I’m not going to post pics, we’ll just assume it happened, because who brags about using a sex toy, it’s not like banging a model or a porn star… That, I’d definitely post pics of… So, after getting over my own personal reservations about using a fake pussy… I’ll just say, don’t knock it till you try it.

After re-assembly, I noticed the fleshy thing is a bit short. It’s damn near impossible to attach the little vibrating egg thingie anyways, even though the pink thing stretches out nearly 2 feet long. So I just ignored it and screwed the bottom cap back on. Whatever, it’s made in China and apparently quality controls aren’t a thing there..

Anyways, On to the first use.

Now, it’s 68* in my house and the fake pussy would have been room temp, but I had the foresight to warm it up first. Since I was playing Space Engineers for a couple hours, I just set it next to me under my warm fuzzy blanket and body heat did the rest. Anyways..

These things are made of silicone or something, so use lube. The first time I tried to put my dick in the thing, it just kinda latched on and said Nu uh… Not going to happen… Sure, I could have gone in and raw dogged it anyways, and quite probably turned my dick into some kind of funky meat-popsicle thing after ripping the skin off, but it also came with a small thing of lube.

The quality of the lube wasn’t that great, but there was enough of it to get the job done.

FIRST THOUGHTS OF THE EXPERIENCE.

Gah, how do I.. Oh, there’s the hole..  Hey.. Wow, this feels really.. Real… Damn… May, yep, definitely need a bit more lube… Huh.. Man, this is a lot better than just rubbing one out by hand. Wait a sec… Oh yeah, time to load up some VRporn.. So, since VRporn was generous enough to offer a free full length video a while ago, Your Neighbors and You, I went ahead and loaded it up. Well, just keeping pace with the action on the screen and playing with the toy I didn’t even hit the half way mark… New experience, no shame in admitting that it didn’t take long at all. I mean damn, the way that thing felt it was like I was REALLY in the movie getting fucked by 3 chicks…

Cleaning up…

So yeah, it’s a sex toy, you’re going to bust a nut, and of course you’re not going to pull out. Well, cleanup was really easy. Nothing came pouring out because of the way the end cap screws on and the front “hole” is designed. So, in to the bathroom sink it went, and apart it came. Actually came apart pretty easy because of the lube. A little bit of liquid antibacterial hand soap (Gojo Orange would be a really bad idea.) and some warm water rinses right through it and cleans it out. When it’s wet, you can turn it inside out pretty easy too. You can try and dry it off with a towel, but that’s going to leave lint all over it. I highly recommend using a paper towel or two to blot it dry, and dry out the inside of the housing too before you put it back in. I’m not sure if turning it inside out to dry off the inside before turning it right side out will damage it, but it feels stretchy and I don’t think it hurt it any. The silicone gets a bit sticky, but corn starch powder, yes, even that super cheap $0.89 yellow box of the stuff at Krogers returns the silicone to it’s soft, dry, non-sticky, skin like texture. Put it in a ziploc or tupperware tub and just dab a little bit on to a paper towel and wipe the pink fleshy thing, that way you can save the rest of it.. Just watch it though, cause that powder can make a little bit of a mess.

The next morning.

Yes, I’m married. I watch porn, and I now have a fake pussy to fuck as well as a real one. So, the next morning, I tried a side-by-side… Well, maybe not side by side, in front of and behind, over and under? Symantics.. Fuck it, I tried an actual comparison of the two. Fake pussy V.S. Real pussy..  How’d it go? Well, very very close.. The fake pussy felt just a little tighter overall which wasn’t bad. Until my wife decided to give my dick a squeeze with her pussy, then the real pussy was tighter. Overall, I’d say the fake one though, since a real pussy doesn’t squeeze 100% of the time. But the fake one definitely doesn’t have it’s own lubrication, and it definitely wasn’t nearly as warm.. As far as how it felt being inside a real pussy vs the fake one? Honestly, it’s extremely similar. A real pussy is easier to slide in and out of, but then again, it could easily have been because it’s a new toy and my wife really didn’t know what she was doing when she was holding it or how to stroke with it.. There’s some things you can do for yourself a lot better than someone else can the first time you try it.. Jumping back and forth between the two.. Oh man.. That was nice… Hell, I’m actually getting a little hard just thinking about doing it again in the middle of typing up this review… Now, because at some point, my wife will probably read this and I don’t want to die in my sleep, I’m going to say without any pressure whatsoever, that real pussy is absolutely better hands down without any comparison whatsoever… Form your own opinion.

Final Thoughts.

Well, my wife has a vibrator and one of those egg things that I tease her with from time to time, so I guess it’s fair that I now have my toy. Will I use it again? Hell yes.. Will I use it again with VR? Um… Yeah, after my first experience with it? I don’t see myself watching VRporn without it.. Will I do anything differently? Yeah. First of all, I’m actually going to go buy some high quality lube. This thing makes it well worth it. VR PORN + A FAKE PUSSY = HELL YES!

Side notes:

Apparently the one I got was like $15 on E-bay. It’s a cheap chinese knock-off of a fleshlight. There’s nothing special about it. No, it doesn’t have the best quality controls, just looking at the bottom, you can see the “hole” isn’t centered in the flesh thingie, and yeah, it’s probably no where near as good as a legitimate fleshlight. It’s also a GREAT christmas present once you get over the initial awkwardness of realizing that you own a fake pussy… This is one of those things that had I known how it felt/worked, I would have bought years ago. If you just got a VR headset and subscribe to, or just enjoy VRporn, buy one of these. It’s less than the cost of a game or a months service, and it makes things so much better…  Speaking of VR porn, games and a fake pussy I may have to try something other than video, and having gotten past the awkwardness of being a freak with a sex toy, I’m actually kinda looking forward to it..