All Mode
It’s truly amazing how far we’ve come in terms of technology in the last decade. As a middle-aged guy who started out with nude magazines, moved on to a slow dial-up internet connection, and found himself in the middle of a still-ongoing sexual revolution, I can strongly affirm that VR is where it’s at. And trust me, I’ve seen it all: from the rise of internet porn with low-resolution pictures that took a couple of minutes to load, and all the way to the failed experiment of weird glasses-driven 3D porn. But I’ve already written a blog post about the differences (in terms of pros and cons) between 2D porn, 3D porn, and VR, so this time I won’t bother you with that.
Today I want to talk about how our parents (or even grandparents) can benefit from VR porn. And for a brief moment, let’s put ourselves in their shoes: I, for one, think of this 70 year-old man who still feels horny and gets the morning wood, but can’t find a partner to understand his needs and have the patience to try to satisfy him. He’s had a hip replacement surgery, his knees and back are messed up, he isn’t as flexible as he used to, he lacks the stamina required for great sex, and he’s lucky if he can get out of bed without feeling any pain. My father is way past his prime, but I’m pretty sure that he’s still willing to chase ladies (or dames) like in the good old days. He knows how to use the internet and I’m pretty sure he’s been exposed to pornography many times, though he probably wouldn’t acknowledge it when I’m around.
Though he certainly dreams about it, my father is no Hugh Hefner. However, VR Porn can help him achieve this dream! Image Credits: Playboy.com/Shemazing.net
Conversely, my mother is in her mid 60s and she always talks about her glory days when she wore beautiful dresses, gentlemen would turn their heads, and she had the freedom to go to dances with any partner. Time has taken its toll on her, her face is wrinkled, she’s gained some weight and her charms just don’t work that well on men anymore (though she cooks like some of the finest chefs in the world and makes great conversations). Naturally, just like in the case of every marriage, she likes to complain about her choices and how she could have done a lot better with lots of choices and situations (my education included).
Mom hasn’t aged to look like Penny Porsche either. In this picture, she’s about 53! Image Credits: Naughty America.
But after picturing these miserable people who probably haven’t had sex in years, it’s time to ask ourselves the question: What can we do in order to help them regain their long-lost appetite for great sex?
Obviously, VR can be a great cure for the problems associated with old age – and I will tell you how you can help your beloved elders to rediscover their passion.
I’ve already told you about mom and dad, I know that their relationship and their happiness can be improved, and I’m very certain that you know such an example too. Well, now it’s time to put our heads to work and figure out how we can make them try VR porn and discover its unbelievable benefits.
Obviously, it isn’t as easy as the advertising team behind PornHub’s 2015 Christmas campaign tried to make it look. In case you haven’t seen it, it’s about a sad old man who miserably stares into an existential void, while his family expresses the unworldly joy of exchanging gifts on Christmas morning. Suddenly, his nephew hands him an envelope which contains a PornHub gift card, and they both embrace while a tear runs down from grandpa’s eye because really, watching 2D porn in HD and without ads for a price that’s higher than the average subscription for VR porn is indeed a crying matter.
You don’t just make a gift to your parents and/or grand-parents by assuming that they’re into porn or sexual activities that they might find shameful in front of everyone else except for their partners. Watching porn and performing any kind of act is a very intimate activity which is done best in solitude or in couple. Randomly giving them something which assumes that they’re interested in VR porn is the equivalent of opening the bedroom door and catching them masturbate while watching raunchy porn. You basically tell them “HA!, I know what you do in the bedroom and there is so much I can tell about it that I bought you this device that will make it all better.”, which is wrong.
Therefore, you have to perform it all in steps. And you have to ask yourself: “What kind of technology would they want to have around the house?”. Well, if they’re really old and know how some basic notions about using technology, then it shouldn’t be much of a problem.
However, don’t buy the PS4 VR system unless you’re completely certain that one of your elder relatives is into gaming. Similarly, giving them a very sophisticated phone which requires extended instructions
Your elder relatives might be really hip and learn fast, but I think that a top notch PC would be much more useful than a PS4 or a fancy smartphone. You have to think in terms of utility, as the computer does a lot more than serve as an intermediary between the masturbating user and his or her virtual world of heavenly pleasure.
Therefore, I personally recommend buying them a new PC for Christmas. It’s very unlikely that they will refuse a faster and more productive machine; just make sure you choose a VR-ready video card, a very good processor, and the right amount of RAM. A good configuration should cost around $1000, but you probably know a lot more technical details about computers than I do. In case of emergency, just use the power of internet searches. Optionally, if you already have a VR ready computer and want to go for an upgrade, just pass them your old system. It’s probably fast enough to impress them and they won’t be able to tell the difference.
And for the desert, go for the Oculus Rift. You really have no reason to choose the more expensive HTC Vive, as its extra features and technical capabilities will not even get noticed by your beloved elders and this decision saves you $200. They will regard VR as some sort of futuristic spaceship technology anyway.
Porn on the Oculus Rift is simply outstanding. Image Credits: DazedDigital.com.
Since the Oculus Rift costs around $600, the total investment for this gift should be a little over $1600. I know it sounds like a lot, but just trust me on this one. It’s all worth it and they will feel grateful for the rest of their days.
Now here comes the tricky part: How do you get them to try VR porn?
Well, you always have to do it gradually. If you force it down their throats, then you will come out as being impolite and too pushy to make their obsolete mindsets understand what they might be missing by sticking out their morals and dignity.
It’s just like convincing your new girlfriend to have anal sex: you have to do it slowly and take small steps. You don’t just stick your schlong down her butthole, as it’s very likely that the decision will backfire and have negative consequences on your social life.
Accordingly, you have to be confident and really cool about it. When they open the gift boxes on Christmas day, they will most likely wonder about the purpose of that big and weird-looking headset, and ask you some questions about the utility of the futuristic piece (asking about utility is in the nature of parents). Don’t give straight answers, as you might trigger the Danny Glover inside them (remember that “I’m too old for this shit” joke from Lethal Weapon?).
Your old man probably loves the idea of sex with 5 gorgeous young ladies, but you have to give him time to get used to the technology. Don’t be too pushy at first! Image Credits: VR Bangers.
What you have to do is tell them something teasing like “Let me show you”. Just set everything up, turn on the PC, activate the Oculus Rift and load a few applications. Show them how it works in a very basic app of going climbing, thrill them and challenge them to test their survival skills in the “Air Accident Experience” and immerse them in the cute alien pet world of “Farlands”. Sooner of later, they will absolutely fall in love with the VR headset’s extraordinary experiences and they will ask for more.
Just give them time to get used to the technology and its applications, but make sure you also leave them with the kind of experiences they’ve never had in this lifetime. Let them crave for some more adventure and wait for a week or two until you pay the next decisive visit.
The next time you go see your favorite elders (in my case, the parents), make sure you think about all the scenarios and choose your words wisely so you don’t ruin the whole situation. Also, choose the person who’s more open to sexual talk.
Once you engage in the conversation and he or she asks you about more apps and experiences, open the VR Porn website and download a bunch of free videos. Get a lot of them just so you provide more variety and a plethora of different situations (various positions, scenes, and pornstars). Make sure they’re not around while you download and prepare the very special porn, and also exit the room after they return. Just tell them it’s a surprise and give them the privacy to discover it.
It doesn’t matter if they liked the film or not – they will definitely return to you in order to talk about it. The next words they will be saying are not important, as parents and grandparents tend to be.. well, paternalistic. They might rebel against it or they might thank you for the experience. But regardless of their first reaction, you made them feel curious and you left the porn in their computers. It’s very likely that they will return to try it once again.
The next time you visit your elders, check the computer and see if they still have the porn films.
If they are still there, then VRPorn.com is your best friend in order to download more films. Otherwise, if you notice that the files have been deleted, then buy them a new adventure app from the Oculus store of experiences, but also get some VR porn in a different folder and leave the browsing history intact. They might have felt embarrassed by the sudden exposure to this very new type of porn, but it’s not too late for them to give it a second chance. We’re never too old to embrace novelty.
Can you picture you mother enjoying classy, tender, and sensual VR sex? I certainly can! Image Source: Virtual Real Porn.
Make sure that you remember the location of the porn you downloaded and the amount of content you left in the computer. Next time you visit, check if it’s still there and if you have found more. Verifying the browsing history can also be useful in order to tell if your well-planned strategies have paid out.
If your favorite elder(s) have embraced the awesomeness of VR porn, then you will find the folder of videos intact and you will notice some kind of gratefulness in their behavior. Because really, seeing is believing and we’re still animals who crave for sex and affection, regardless of our age.
yeah, why not? everybody should have a healthy sexual life, and vr porn is there only chance. lol
I think old people can definitely get in to VR, you just have to make it easy for them.