VR Porn Threesome Reviews #65: Pirates!

Image credit: Where Is The Map?

Blimey! How’s it going, fellow VR porn enthusiasts? T’is cap’n ErosVR speaking, so ye better listen up to what I’m about to say. Yarr! Today, my fellow sea dogs, we’re embarking on a different kind of treasure hunt. It’s really special because this time we won’t be digging out for swag, and no pot or crate that’s filled with doubloons can ever devalue today’s loot. We’re gonna hunt thee real treasure of thee lands and of thee seas, and that consists of real human flesh. Don’t git me wrong, though: this isn’t some sort of bounty hunting for fellow sea dogs. Nay, t’is a quest for thee most valuable currency we’ve ever known: pirate pussy. I’m talking about female salty dogs who travel across thee lands in their permanently moisturized ships and seek bounty in phalli; to them, swag is nothing more than a mean for making a living in this material world. But hard cock, that’s what they live for.

The plan is simple, fellow sea dogs: we let the ladies think they’ve captured us. It will be harsh at first, but once they gain confidence in us, they turn into sexual predators! Image credit: Where Is The Map?

Sail ho! That’s why we have to git prepared for this special quest: let’s wear our finest costumes, wash our hairy balls, and make sure we wear just a little bit of perfume for charms. Then we embark on thee galleon and go hunting for these precious foxes. Yer cannons better be ready and loaded, and ye better not miss thee targets. Thar’s enough pawn for all of us, and we will all git our glorious bounty if we stick to thee plan. Thee plan is that, once we git close to their galleon, we pretend that we’re losing thee battle and allow them to jump galleon and invade us. But worry not, my sea dogs: they aren’t killers. What they seek is pride and loaded cannons to feast on. Because once we’ve caught them on our galleon and we’ve made them believe that they’re actually capturing us, their inner sexual beasts shall unleash.

And when these pirate women become unchained, they hunt for hard cock. If it all goes well, each of us will enjoy two fine pirate ladies and take advantage of their miraculous sexual healing powers. Let’s stick together and stick to thee plan, fellow salty dogs! Oh, but thar’s one small detail that we have to take care o’: make sure you’re all wearing VR helmets. They’re just like eye-patches, except that they help ye see things you’ve never even dared to imagine. Trust me on this one and let’s commence our quest, shall we?

“Where is the Map?” by CzechVR

Alright, it’s time to switch from pirate to English and get to serious matters: CzechVR has released a really good pirate film which crosses the boundaries of the traditional POV experiences by blending the voyeur third-person view with the first-person action. It’s quite a unique way of telling a story, as you’re introduced to the environment, context, and plot as a ghost who watches how the events unfold, and then you take the role of the guy just in time for the sexual fun.

The two pirate ladies who capture you are the sultry ebony babe Isabella Chrystin and the cute blonde Alexis Crystal – so you know that you’re dealing with well-versed and experienced performers who know all about performing in virtual reality porn films and aren’t afraid to try something new. The novelty of this pirate tale is given by the fantasy theme (you’re a pirate captain who goes by the name of Pierce), by the integration of BDSM elements (especially tying up, which seems to be quite fashionable in the genre), but also by the initial voyeur perspective.

The studio has paid a lot of attention to every small detail. Just notice the costumes, the sets, and the beauty of the babes! Image credit: Where Is The Map?

Sure, all of these elements have successfully been introduced by other studios through their innovative productions but the element of surprise here is the combination between multiple successful recipes. CzechVR has taken great concepts and ideas from other films, and their unique combination is really meritorious from the casting, all the way to the way the narrative is presented.

Accordingly, the film features an immersive introduction to the environment from the point of view of a ghost, and you get to see who you’re about to deal with: a tied up naked man who supposedly is a pirate captain who knows about a map, and two pirate babes who interrogate the poor guy in order to get precious information. The weird part is that you’re about to become the guy you’re watching and perceiving everything from his perspective, which practically means that you’re having one of those out-of-body experiences! But while it feels a little weird to have such a creepy experience, you will hardly have any time to think about it and put it into a larger context, since you’re dealing with such incredible beauties.

So let’s do a short recap: you’re a pirate captain named Mr. Pierce and you have information about a map, which makes you wanted. So Isabella Chrystin and Alexis Crystal tie you up for interrogation. Oh boy, this is shaping up to become a great FFM threesome with BDSM elements!

The first few minutes of the film, consisting of moments belonging to both the voyeur and the POV phases, you will be subjected to an interrogation-type of dialogue. It feels good to know that the ladies are talking to you and about you, but just like in pretty much every other VR porn film, you’re a silent character who doesn’t reply with audible words.

“So, Mr. Pierce, are you going to tell us where’s the map?” asks the seemingly annoyed and Slavic-accented Alexis Crystal. You notice how your blindfolded, tied and naked self shakes his head as a way of refusing to respond. “We need this information because we know…” continues the sultry blonde, but you begin to shake in desperation, as a way of trying to break away from these chains. Alexis utters a surprised “Hey!” and that’s the point when the pirate ladies realize that their interrogation method of choice isn’t quite the most suitable. Maybe that they have been approaching you the wrong way all along and there are other methods to make you speak.

After you’re unchained, you become wilder than Django. Just look at what you’re doing to Alexis Crystal! Image credit: Where Is The Map?

That’s why they unchain you. But before that, it’s hard not to notice how the ebony doll Isabella Chrystin is holding a whip. And it doesn’t really matter if it’s just decorative or she’s about to use it on you for torture purposes, it just makes her look really vicious and badass. And there’s just something really kinky about bad girls who know their ways.

Once you’re released from the chain, they make sure that the blindfold remains on. Therefore, your VR incarnation is unable to see what’s going on, but you’ve conveniently transferred the vision on the outside, to a third eye which is placed outside your body. That’s how you can observe the admiration in the ladies’ eyes. For some really weird reason, they seem to be attracted much more by your back, as they didn’t seem to feel any kind of arousal while your front nakedness was exposed to them. Or maybe it’s all a part of their plan and you’re nothing but the subject of their devious interrogation ways.

Soon enough, you will be stripped naked and switched into a first-person perspective. For the next 30 minutes, you will be screwing Isabella Chrystin and Alexis Crystal in cowgirl and missionary!

The choice of sexual positions might seem a little prudish for a couple of lady pirates, but maybe that there’s a higher psychological factor involved and you don’t really understand what’s going on. What is clear about the situation is that you’re in for a treat: the same two babes who were previously interrogating you are now giving you a lot of sexual attention. Could this be their evil way of getting the information about the map, or did they genuinely feel attraction towards your hot body? Well, who knows, and who cares? When such great sex is at stake, there really isn’t time to ask too many questions. As long as you don’t give out any information about the treasure, you’re safe and the action carries on.

What was that Elton John lyric? “Pretty eyed, pirate smile”? Well, they certainly seem to have them both! Image credit: Where Is The Map?

What you know for sure is that Alexis’ perky tits look great while they’re bouncing while she’s on top, and Isabella rides with an immense intensity. It also seems like their badass pirate nature has gone away once they removed their clothes (but then again, this might be just a part of their interrogation process). The switch that occurs in their attitude will leave you wondering, “Am I being played here or did they genuinely feel attracted and desired for some steamy sex?” After all, you’re dealing with pirates and you know they can’t be trusted.

Some of Alexis Crystal’s smiling and giggling feels and looks really fake and forced at times, so your answer might just be found in her body language. There are times when Isabella doesn’t look that natural and genuine either. However, nothing can stop you from getting your much-deserved satisfaction from these two: you will make them ride you with great intensity, thrust your penis deep inside them in missionary, and then finally return to cowgirl in order to get closer to the splashing climax. Maybe that you haven’t revealed any important pieces of information about the treasure, but you’ve certainly satisfied their inner sexual beasts.

CzechVR has finally got it right with the narrative and provides an immersive, compelling, and overall impressive experience. It only took some BDSM and cosplay to fuel this ship, and it reached the stars! Congratulations to the production team, they’ve just scored a 9.75 out of 10!

After having spent so much time criticizing the Czech studio for not focusing enough on the storyline and the advocation for sex, it’s good to see that the complaints have been put to rest for once. Alexis Crystal and Isabella Chrystin offer a memorable ride through this realm, and a bunch of technical tricks and dialogues will help you accommodate to this mystical world (and eventually wish you’d never leave it). The element of suspense and mystery is probably the greatest psychological asset of this film, and it’s the reason why you will not make a spontaneous decision to try watching something else instead.

Watch out for the really interesting BDSM elements! Image credit: Where Is The Map?

From the first seconds, you will be intrigued by the BDSM situation involving the guy whose body you’re about to take over. The dialogues, though simple and clumsily-spoken, waste no words and give out the required information to become immersed in this realm. And once you literally man up and enter the guy’s body through the change of perspectives, you will be having that perfect interracial threesome with a couple of lady pirates. That’s right, everything about this film is so great that you will completely forget that you’re also having an interracial affair!

Had the film featured better acting (and I’m especially talking about the pronunciation in English) and a larger array of sexual positions and situations (screwing in doggy style, as well as using more of the BDSM elements), this could have been an absolute masterpiece of the genre. It has great action, incredible beauty, a mesmerizing attention to detail, and a great story that’s being told all throughout the film. It’s a lovely experience that you should really try!